Guilty Minds
by Isolatedsnake
Summary: When someone enters your life and makes it spin faster than you can control do you push them away or embrace them? Clexa AU
1. Chapter 1

**Hey Guys,**

 **This is my first ever fan fiction so it probably won't be amazing but you can comment any suggestions you want to make and they're appreciated. I'll try to update every second day.**

I awoke just as the sunlight spilled through the crack in my curtains. It was the last day of summer and I already missed it. I missed the countless hours spent painting and doing the things I loved. I hated the fact that that was all going to come to an end soon, and I wasn't ready. Especially not after what happened. I didn't tell anybody simply because I didn't want their pity.

I swung my legs over the edge of my bed and made my way to the kitchen. There was a large countertop in the middle of the modern kitchen. This room was just like the rest of my house, huge. My neighbourhood, Arkadia was the best in the city. All of the houses belonged to the richest of the rich, and I was no exception. My house was amazing, and that was the reason none of my friends had seen it. They'd think of me differently.

A loud bang stopped me in my tracks. It sounded like a car door closing. The only person it could be was my mom and she was at work, as always. No cars ever drove down to my house because it was the second to last on a dead end road and the house next to mine was abandoned before I was even born. The only glimpse of the house I got was through my bedroom window which just so happened to directly face the window of the room across the way, and by the looks of that room no one would want to live in it. Ivy had grown through the wall into the room and it was covered in mould. My mom had been petitioning for it to be knocked down or at least renovated for years but nothing had ever been done.

I pulled back the curtains and my suspicions were confirmed. There was a large moving truck parked outside my house and workers were unloading boxes into the house next door. There was no sign of the people moving in, but I knew they'd be there soon because there were boxes filled with kids toys and school was starting tomorrow.

My mom wasn't going to be happy, she loved privacy ever since the incident and having kids next door didn't really suit her agenda of never letting anyone find out our secrets. I never agreed with how she dealt with what happened but I didn't want to cause fights. I had lost enough and didn't want to include my mother in that list. She was stressed enough without me trying to tell her how to live her life. So I let her do whatever she wanted to distract herself and never said a word. I agreed when she suggested we move to the other side of the country when I was just twelve and I let her paint and repaint the walls almost every month. Whatever she needed I fulfilled and to a certain extent it helped but she will never fully heal. What we don't need right now, is questions asked.


	2. Chapter 2

I was in my room when I heard the door slam and my mom lay her bag on the floor. She walked straight into her office without so much as a hello. I had grown used to that over the years and learned to occupy myself. My childhood was a lonely one. Not many kids lived in my neighbourhood and the ones that did were too busy worrying about their money than playing with me. That's how I got into art. Instead of pouring my heart and soul into a journal I poured it into the pictures I created. The only person I ever allowed to see my paintings was my father but he was gone.

As I gathered my art supplies to go to the park, I saw a car pull up outside the house. It looked old and was covered in scratches. It had been looked after, but time had just gotten the better of it. There were two silhouettes, but I couldn't make out their faces. The taller of the two leaned over to wake up the other and it only took a second for her to understand where she was before running into the garden. The older girl got to work on the remaining boxes in the car.

I walked out of my house and glanced over at the little girl huddled in the corner playing with her doll. Before I could turn away she saw me and made her way over. She looked about six with brown hair and ice blue eyes. I crouched down to her level. "I'm Clarke, what's your name?" she looked up from the ground and into my eyes and stated "Amaya." She reminded me of myself, not shy but still weary of new people. "That's a very pretty name, what age are you?" She looked down at her fingers, counted out seven and held them up but before I had a chance to respond a voice called for Amaya and she immediately ran to it.

I arrived at the park at sunset and it was beautiful. It reminded me of the park my dad used to bring me to near my old house. Ever since I arrived here with my mom I've come to this park every day to escape my life. It was my safe haven. When I was stressed, upset or even happy I would be here, under a large oak tree right beside a serene lake.

I drew for hours and before I knew it, it was dark. Amaya was still sitting in the corner when I arrived home so I went over to her. Before I reached her I heard her little sobs that were filled with so much pain, pain that no seven-year-old should have to deal with. She desperately grasped onto my waist so I pulled her onto my lap and whispered "what's wrong?" Her heart sped up, her grip tightened and she mumbled into my chest "I'm scared about school." I knew she was lying so I pried a little further. "What's really wrong?" She started crying even more but managed to get out in between sobs "he hurt her." Then someone came running out of the house grabbed Amaya and protectively stood in front of her. She had long brown hair like Amaya's pulled back in intricate braids and green eyes. Her clothes complimented her obviously toned physique and her dark eyeliner made her eyes even more piercing. She crouched down to Amaya and asked her "do you remember what I said earlier?" Amaya wiped a stray tear from her cheek, looked up emotionless and nodded. "Good, never forget it. Go inside." As she ushered her inside I noticed the doll on the grass. "Wait Amaya, your doll" I gave it out to the older girl and as she took it I noticed the bruises on her wrist. I held out my hand to her and introduced myself "Clarke." She looked down as if she was considering whether or not to take my hand and do the same, but she did. Her hand was soft in mine and her voice didn't sound as guarded as it did a second ago as she said "I'm Lexa." We held on to each other's hands for longer than intended but neither of us let go. Eventually she pulled away and I immediately missed her warmth.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Octavia drove me to school. Her long, brown hair was tied up at the top of her head and her eyes were covered by sunglasses. I always envied how she could be so effortlessly pretty. "What's got you in a mood?" I asked as she removed her sunglasses, revealing her golden brown eyes.

"Nothing, I just think Raven is mad at me." She looked down into her lap before elaborating. "We were at her house joking around like usual but I think I took it too far and now she's avoiding me. We haven't spoken for a week."

I looked out the window a while longer before turning to her. "Well she can't avoid you forever, especially today because you're in all of her classes." That seemed to calm her down a bit so I turned back to the window.

We fell into a comfortable silence but all I could think about was Lexa. How her hand fitted so perfectly into mine and how she looked so caring yet strong. I couldn't help but wonder what happened to her. Who grabbed her gentle hands with enough force to mark them and who broke her heart so many times that her only option was to build walls around it that nobody could break through?

My first class was my least favourite, maths. I've never understood it. My seat was waiting for me at the back of the class when I arrived. I sat down there so I wouldn't be asked any questions. I hated people knowing when I couldn't figure something out.

I had nearly fallen asleep several times throughout the class before I heard a door bang shut and heavy boots trudge into the classroom. "Sorry I'm late Mr. Kane." It was Lexa. She didn't sound rude, but she didn't sound particularly sorry either.

She was still standing at the top of the classroom when Mr. Kane spoke. "Care to elaborate as to why miss. Heda?"

Lexa glanced down at her wrists before looking up and continuing "Uh, car trouble." He responded with a short nod before leaving Lexa to find a seat. I still hadn't looked up, but I had no choice when I heard her clear her throat beside me. I forced my eyes from the table to hers and immediately regretted it. She looked beautiful. Her hair was still in little braids but they were pulled back with the rest of her hair in a ponytail. She had a plain grey t-shirt, jeans and converse on. I understood then why the whole class went quiet when she walked in. "Is this seat taken?"

I pulled the seat out and gathered all the courage I had to reply. "No, it's all yours." She mumbled a thank you and sat down. I took in everything about her, but the most intoxicating thing was how when she moved, even the slightest bit, you could smell her lavender shampoo.

I spent the class drawing small cartoons on the margins of my copy and day dreaming. I was bad at concentrating in the first place, now with Lexa here, I had no hope. The sound of the bell shook me out of my thoughts. The class started to pack up and in the midst of the noise and chaos of excited teenagers, Lexa leant over to me and whispered, "As amazing as your drawings were, there were notes on the board to take down."


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry I'm a bit late updating, but for some reason i couldn't upload the file i wanted, so i ended up having to re type the whole thing.**

When school finally ended I met Octavia at her locker. We had done that every day for the six months we had known each other. Ever since we met we were inseparable. As we drove to her house we talked about our days. "So, did you make up Raven yet?"

A smile spread across her lips. "Yes, we're better than ever actually." She blushed and the smile wouldn't disappear.

"That's good, now you can take her on that date you've been dreaming of." I loved teasing her about her crushes. Especially that one. Usually Octavia was so forward and the people she pursued knew exactly what she wanted, but Raven was so clueless.

"Oh come on, I told you that because I needed help, not mockery." Her beautiful smile faltered. "Besides, she has a boyfriend."

"If you just told her how you felt she wouldn't." I winked and her smile grew again. It didn't take much to cheer Octavia up, but it also didn't take much to upset her.

She swung the door to her house open. Her parents died when she was young and she spent her whole life in foster care. That is until her brother, Bellamy, turned eighteen and legally adopted had lived together since then. That's part of the reason we got along so well. I understood what it was like to be alone. While my parents weren't exactly dead, they may as well have been. I hadn't seen my dad since I was twelve and I wasn't planning on seeing him again and my mother worked so much that she was never home.

Her brother just started college. Even though he was very overprotective, he still let her invite whoever she wanted to his parties, and they were amazing. I had only been to about three and I didn't remember much, but judging by the pictures I had a good time.

Just as those thoughts ran through my mind, Bellamy burst through the door with bags of beer and vodka. The minute Octavia saw him she jumped up and shrieked. "You're having a party!"

Bellamy grimaced. "Yes O, I am." He looked up and saw her silent plead. "Before you even ask, you can bring who you want but if you bother me Oct-."

She jumped in before he could finish. "We won't I promise." She screamed and started texting invitations to our whole year.

In the midst of our excitement my mom rang and told me to come home. I didn't know why she was home but whatever she wanted to tell me must've been important so I said a quick goodbye and left.

My mother was bent over with her head in her hands in the living room when I arrived. She heard my footsteps and looked up. Her eyes were red and tear ridden. She quickly stood up devoid of emotion, sniffled and wiped the tears from her just one second, I had seen the mom that raised me, who loved me, but she was gone just as fast as she came.

She asked me to sit and didn't waste anytime in beginning. "Clarke there's no easy way to say this, your father has passed away."

I was shocked. I gulped and asked nervously,"what happened?" I wasn't sure if i wanted to know the answer or not.

She seemed hesitant but continued. " While he was sleeping his cellmate killed him. They're not sure why but they think what your dad did caused him to lose his home, He wanted revenge."

I was furious I tried to run to my room but my mom caught my arm. "Clarke honey, I'm sorry. "

I shook free of her strong grip, turned to her and stated, "you lost the right to call me honey when you decided your work was more important than your child." With that I left her shocked and i ran to my room.

Anger engulfed me and I couldn't help but scream. I gathered all the drawings that reminded me of him and sat at the edge of my bed with the tears flowing freely from my eyes. I looked through all of the happy memories from my childhood and tried to remember how my life turned into that. I used to have family, friends and people who cared about me. Who did i have except Octavia now?

When I finally calmed down I looked over to the window facing Lexa's house and I saw Amaya looking at me. She saw all if it. She saw me break down, but she didn't look scared, she looked like she had seen break downs like this all too often. She was unfazed, and that made me wonder how bad her childhood had been. I walked over to the window and gave her a reassuring smile. Relief washed over her face, she smiled and walked out of the room. I let go of the breath I was holding and dialled Octavia's number. She picked up straight away and I didn't even give her a chance to say hello before starting to talk. "I'll see you later, I need that party now more than ever."


	5. Chapter 5

As I left my house to go to Octavia's, I heard muffled sobs from my mother's room. She didn't deserve forgiveness from me, or anyone. She was an abomination. She ruined my childhood. She took away the only person that ever cared for me when she did what she did. I never forgave her, and I never will. My dad loved me, unlike her. I woke up, alone, went to school, alone and came home to an empty house. I was lucky to see her once a week, if at all.

Octavia was doing her makeup when I arrived, so I sat down beside her. "How do you not poke your eye out with that thing?"

Octavia set it down on the dresser. "That 'thing' is eyeliner, and all you have to do is draw a line. You draw all the time, there's no difference." I never wore makeup, no one ever taught me. My mom worked, my dad was gone and I had no siblings.

"Do you want to do mine?" She looked at me shocked. She had asked to do my makeup before, but I always said no. She sat me down and got to work.

"What suddenly makes you want this? You've always hated makeup." I knew the answer. I wanted to know what it felt like to have a sister, someone who would help me. I had always just said I hated it to avoid the actual reason.

"I don't know, I guess I'm just experimenting." She took a deep breath and put down the brush in her hand. She grabbed a chair and sat facing me.

"Clarke, what's wrong? Something's been off since you arrived." I squeezed my chair until my knuckles went white. When I looked Octavia's eyes were filled with so much worry, so much love. I had never seen that before. I couldn't lie.

"It's my dad." My hands started shaking and I closed my eyes. "He died." Before I even got to the explanation tears flowed from my eyes and I couldn't stop them. Octavia wrapped her arms around me. I cried into her shoulder while she whispered into my ear.

She pulled back and wiped the tears from my cheek." You know, you don't have to come to my party. I understand." I thought about it, but where else could I go? I wasn't going back to face my mother and a party might would help, at least I'd forget for a while.

"No, I want to stay, it will help" She wiped my cheek again just as the first guests arrived.

"Are you going to be okay?" I gave her a quick nod.

We ran down the stairs and there was already loads of people. They had already began drinking, so I joined. What did I have to lose? I started off with beer but that turned to vodka as the night went on. Somehow I ended up on the dance floor, by myself. I didn't have a care in the world until, even in my drunken state, I noticed Lexa in the kitchen. She looked mesmerising. All the braids were gone from her hair and it flowed down around her shoulders. Her long legs were on show in the shorts she was wearing and her toned arms were also out. I ran to the other side of the room. She couldn't see me like this, I looked horrible. The makeup Octavia so beautifully applied was gone, washed away from my tears.

I tried to walk away but one of Bellamy's friends grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. "Finn stop, we're not together anymore." That made him pull me closer. I didn't have enough strength to pull away. Then out of nowhere Finn fell to the floor. I couldn't comprehend what happened until I looked up and saw Lexa cursing and holding her hand. She noticed me about the fall over from the alcohol in my system, but she caught me.

"Are you okay Clarke?" She looked down with genuine concern and it warmed my heart. I grabbed onto her shoulder. I couldn't speak, I was just going to slur my words so I just nodded.

"How much did you drink?" She knew the answer, I couldn't even stand. She was still holding most of my body weight. So I admitted it.

"A lot, as you can tell." It took all the effort I had to make myself sound better but it didn't work. She readjusted her grip on me and walked me onto Octavia's porch.

"Wait here, I'll bring you home in a minute I need to tell your friend what happened." I nodded in understanding and she left. I missed her grip on my waist and her caring eyes.

She returned with my shoes, which I hadn't realised I lost, and Octavia. "O! I missed you. I haven't seen you in..." I looked down forgetting where I was going with the sentence.

Lexa turned to her, "I told you she was drunk." I attempted to stand but couldn't so I settled for shouting over to her.

"I'm not drunk! Tipsy maybe, but not drunk." Octavia snorted and bent down beside me.

"You're going to go with Lexa, okay?" I smiled wildly and nodded a bit too enthusiastically. Lexa rolled her eyes and walked over.

She grabbed both my hands and draped one over her shoulders. She was strong, she didn't even seem to struggle to carry basically all of my weight. "Okay, you ready? It's going to be a long way home."


	6. Chapter 6

Lexa and I barely got off Octavia's front garden before I fell, and it wasn't gracefully. I didn't even realise I was falling until it was too late so I didn't even attempt to catch myself. I was lying on the floor groaning when I heard a stifled laugh. I looked up to see Lexa with a smile across her face and her hand held out to me. "It's not funny, I could be dead." I looked to her hand and came to the conclusion that would no be enough help to get me off the floor. "You're going to have to offer me more than a hand for me to even attempt standing." She realised her mistake and helped me up. "Thank you." Before I attempted another step I took off my high heels and held them in my hands. Fortunately I started to sober up a bit so I could form sentences, but I couldn't necessarily control what sentences came out of my mouth, and that was a problem. Who knows whats going to come out of my mouth when I'm near her.

Lexa noticed the shoes in my hand. "What on earth are you doing?" I looked at her innocently.

"Do you want me to fall on my ass again, because I will if these shoes remain on my feet." She nodded and draped my arm back over her shoulders. I liked her holding me more than I should have, so I leaned more of my weight onto her. I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, but even that was hard. Eventually it got too much and I stopped and looked back in the direction we came from. We hadn't even gotten twenty feet and I was already struggling. I tugged on Lexa's sleeve and whispered "Can we sit, I'm not sober enough for this." She sighed and led me over to the edge of the path and lowered me down.

Lexa remained standing so I reached up and grabbed her hand. "Sit down." I tapped the spot beside me and she sat. "What age are you?"

She looked at me. "Why do ask?" I could tell she was going to avoid all the questions I asked, which was pointless since I wasn't going to remember this anyway.

"Curiosity, enlighten it." I was still holding her hand. Neither of us pulled away so I relished in the moment.

"Eight teen." That meant she was only a few months older than me.

"Is Amaya your sister?" She still hadn't made eye contact with me, so she just nodded.

"What happened to your parents?"I blurted it out before I thought about it and judging by Lexa's reaction, it was the worst thing I could've done. Her whole body tensed up and she sucked in a sharp breath. I immediately regretted it. "I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that." She relaxed a bit,but was still on edge so I rubbed circles on the back of her hand.

"Can we go home?" I nodded and she helped me up. If only I wasn't this drunk, then I wouldn't have blurted it out. We walked the rest of the way in silence, and before I knew it we were outside my house, but it wasn't quiet like it usually was. I could hear screams and glass shattering. It was my mother, she had done this before, this is how she dealt with loss. Tears nearly spilled over the rim of my eyes but I caught them before they could. I took a deep breath and composed myself before turning to Lexa. "Thanks for walking me home. Goodnight."

I turned to walk through the door but she caught my hand. "I can't let you stay in that house when that is going on." She gestured to the window. "You can stay with me."


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up to small hands shaking my shoulder. I wasn't ready to wake up, I could already feel the headache I had and I didn't want to make it worse by opening my eyes. I groaned into the pillow. The hands shook me again and whispered "Clarke." My senses were just coming to life and it was then when I realised this wasn't where I usually woke up. The bed was different, how I woke up was different and the smell of the pillow my face was buried in was different. It smelled of lavender. The realisation hit me and I sprung up completely ignoring my thumping head. My eyes adjusted to the light and I saw Amaya's blue eyes looking down at me. "Lexa had to go, but she told me to give you these." I looked down at her little hands and they held painkillers and water. I thankfully took them. Relief washed over me.

"Do you know where Lexa went?" She shook her head and climbed onto the bed beside me.

"All she told me was to give you water and that she'd be home soon." She went quiet then and it looked like she was thinking. "Are you and Lexa friends?"

I watched her curiously. "I would hope so, why?"

"She's never had one of them before." She looked down weighing her options of whether or not to continue. "It's my fault, she never had time because she had to look after me." She turned to me and in that moment she didn't look seven. She looked like she had years of anguish and wisdom. She looked like she was carrying something that she couldn't carry anymore, and was looking to me for help. "Please don't hurt her, enough people have done that." Before I could reassure her I wouldn't, that I would never, a door slammed shut. Amaya jumped off the bed and I could hear her footsteps running down the stairs. I heard her scream "Lexa you're home."

I dragged my body from the bed and for the first time I looked around. That house may have been in a rich neighbourhood and look amazing on the outside, but the inside was a different story. Progress was definitely made from before Lexa moved in but nowhere near enough. There was still mould and the walls were still damp. All there was in the room was a mattress on the floor. I walked out of the room and into the hallway just above the stairs. Just as I was about to walk down them I heard Lexa's voice. "Did she wake on her own or did you wake her like you do to me every morning?" I couldn't make out what Amaya mumbled back. "Amaya, I told you not to, it's still early. She needed sleep."

"But I was so excited,she's your first friend!" I smiled at that. I knew since I met Lexa that she would be hard to warm up to, but not that hard.

"Ssh Amaya, she's not my first friend, she's just the first I've brought over. You know why."

I carefully descended the stairs and both girls looked up. Lexa turned to Amaya. "Do you want to go outside and play?" She ran outside. "I'm sorry about her waking you, she was excited."

"No problem, and I'm sorry about last night I probably embarrassed myself." I hadn't remembered anything from the night before so I apologised for all of it. Knowing me, it was bad. "Out of curiosity, as nice as you were to give me a place to stay, why didn't I stay in my house?" She pushed herself off the counter top.

"You really don't remember anything do you?" I shook my head. All of last night was a blank. "Something was going on in your house last night. Someone was crying and throwing stuff. I couldn't let you go in there."

Memories of the day before rushed back. My Dad is dead, and I forgot. I forgot about the only person that never forgot me. My mom was probably still upset, I didn't want to deal with that. She deserved to go through it alone. She deserved to suffer as much as I did. As these thoughts ran through my head I heard a loud crash. My mother was obviously awake. Lexa saw the fear in my eyes.

"You don't have to go back there until whoever that is calms down you know. You can stay here as long as you need."


	8. Chapter 8

Lexa's house only had the basics. She had two mattresses on the floor for her and Amaya, a small couch and an extremely old laptop that she needed for school. She didn't have any kitchen appliances and just barely had running water in one of her bathrooms. My mother hadn't stopped her rampage so I was stuck at Lexa's, but she didn't seem to mind. I tried to help as much as I could with Amaya to make up for it. I could see that Lexa was stressed trying to keep her entertained. She had a few toys, but she got bored easily. Lexa had left to get food so Amaya and I were left by ourselves. We played a game with her dolls where she was a queen. It was clear that she had played it alot, with Lexa. It made me smile to think of her being childish. She was always so serious. "You're very pretty princess Clarke."

"Thank you my Queen."

"Lexa agrees with me you know. I heard her say it." She must be talking about in the game, not in real life.

"But Lexa's not in the game silly."

"No in the real world. When you came home with her last night she thought I was asleep, but I heard her whisper it to you. Did you not hear?" I must've been asleep. Now I really wish I wasn't that drunk.

"No, I guess she'll just have to tell me again won't she." She nodded. We heard rustling in the kitchen so we both went out to help Lexa with the food. When Amaya saw her she ran to her and whispered something in her ear. Lexa turned a deep red and she tried to hide her face behind her hands. I knew that Amaya told her that I knew what she said and it was sweet to see how embarrassed she was. I decided to save her. "Amaya, come help me please." I could hear Lexa let go of the breath she was holding.

I helped Lexa clean up while Amaya sat at the kitchen table drawing. "Thank you for all of this. I'll be gone by tomorrow I promise."

"Honestly, it's fine. Amaya loves having you here." She glanced back at Amaya and smiled. "So do I."

When we finished washing up Lexa brought Amaya to bed. She protested but eventually agreed, if I read her a story. I told her one of my favourite stories from my childhood, but she fell asleep before I could finish it. I made my way out to the sitting room and I saw Lexa asleep on the couch. She looked so peaceful and unguarded. I took a step but the floorboard creaked and she shot up startled. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you"

"It's okay, I need to get more blankets for where I'm sleeping anyway. It gets cold at night in here."

"Wait, what do you mean? Are you not sleeping in your bed?" She looked at me confused.

"Well no, that's where you're sleeping."

"I can't let you take the couch I'm already eating all of your food."

"I'm not sleeping in the bed." It was clear she wouldn't budge.

"Okay we'll compromise. We can both sleep in the bed."


	9. Chapter 9

I woke up in the middle of the night to Amaya screaming and Lexa jumping out of the bed to get to her. I followed close behind and we found Amaya sitting on her bed with her knees pulled close to her body. Lexa approached her timidly. "I saw him, he was here." Amaya was distraught.

"We left him behind, he's not coming back he can't find us and he can't hurt us. It was just a dream. Go back to sleep." Amaya nodded sleepily and crawled back under the covers.

"Are you sure we're safe?"

"Positive."

"Okay, I'm sorry for waking you and Clarke."

Lexa led me back to her room. "I'm sorry about that. It happens almost every night. I don't know how to stop it."

We settled ourselves in bed and I gathered the courage I needed to ask the question I've been wondering for a while. "Is the 'he' Amaya talks about the same person that did that to your wrist." She tensed, but turned to face me.

"Yes."

"You don't have to answer this, but who is he?"

"Our father." Her answers were short and to the point so I knew this subject was sensitive even if her face didn't show it, so instead of pushing her I took her hand in mine.

"I know we haven't known each other for long, but after all you've done for me, I'm here for you if you need to talk." She tried to wipe the tear from her cheek before it fell, but I saw it. I wondered had anyone told her that before. Had anyone even cared enough to ask if she was okay. I rubbed circles on the back of her hand. That's what my father used to do to me to calm me down and it worked every time.

"Thank you." She squeezed my hand and sniffled. I could tell she was trying to hold herself together, to be strong, but she didn't need to be strong in front of me.

"You can break down if you want you know. You don't have to bear your burdens by yourself." She removed her hand from mine and her stoic look returned.

"If I shared even one of my burdens it would be too much for anyone else to bear."She turned her back to me and I saw her tattoo. It was beautiful. All I wanted in that moment was to see the rest of it. All I could see was the top and and tiny bit at the bottom where it was sticking out from under her shirt. I wanted to know what it meant, but I knew she wasn't going to talk anymore about her life. So I fell asleep tracing the tattoo with my eyes. I wished it was my hands that were tracing it, but I couldn't. I didn't know how she would react. I knew what I wanted, but she wasn't ready and if I couldn't be with her the way I wanted, I'd take her any way I could.


	10. Chapter 10

When I woke up Lexa was pressed up against my back. I didn't know how we switched positions and ended up so close together, but I had no complaints. Her arm was draped across my waist so I couldn't move. I needed to get up though. To get to school. I didn't want to wake her, she looked so peaceful, but I had to. According to the watch on my wrist we were already a bit behind schedule, but I liked to be early. I gently shook her shoulder, but this only gained a groan and her tightening her grip on me. "Lexa we have to get up. We're late." That got her attention and she rolled off the mattress.

"Uh... sorry about that. I didn't mean to intrude on your..uh... private space."

"Lexa, it's fine. I liked it." The tips of her ears turned red. I loved having that effect on her, I knew most people didn't.

"How late are we?"

"We have twenty minutes to be at school, so we're not that rushed."

She cleared her throat and excused herself from the room, but before she left she turned back and said, "I liked it too." Now it was my turn to blush.

Lexa dropped me to school and we said our goodbyes. I met Octavia just before our first class and she ran up and gave me a huge hug. "Where the hell were you?"

"Sorry O, my mom was freaking out so I stayed at Lexa's." She smirked and stifled a laugh. "What?"

"Lexa's pretty isn't she Clarke." I hit her on her arm and dragged her to class. I knew she was going to get even for all the teasing I did about Raven. The day went fast and when the bell rang at the end of the day I ran out of the classroom to my locker. I grabbed all of my books and met Lexa at her car to pick up Amaya from the person who minded her while Lexa was at school. Her name was Anya and Lexa said she was her closest friend. Anya was probably the only person that knew who Lexa really was, not the strong front she put up, but the fragile soul who suffers in silence. I wanted to know that Lexa, I got glimpses of her when she lets her walls fall but they're back up just as fast. It was like she was scared to trust, but she had no reason not to trust me. I knew I was lucky to even get glimpses of her, but that didn't stop me from wanting more. I wanted her to confide in me, trust me enough to tell me things, but that most likely wouldn't happen. She's only just met me. It will take her time, and I'm willing to wait.

Amaya ran out into my arms when we collected her. I scooped her up into my arms and shook Anya's hand. Lexa introduced us. She looked shocked to say the least that I was with her. Lexa obviously didn't bring people here that often. I knew it took a lot of courage for Lexa to even bring me here so I was honoured. Ever since Lexa and Amaya entered my life they made me question everything, but also made it better than it's ever been before. I was never fully whole since my father left, but I could slowly feel myself coming back together. Maybe it took one broken person to fix another.


	11. Chapter 11

I heard three loud knocks on my door so I ran down to answer. I checked myself in the mirror, I knew who it was. I had asked Lexa for help in maths so she'd been coming to my house every Tuesday and Friday for a couple of weeks now. She was a genius. She solved all of the problems in her head without even thinking. Despite me asking her for help at first just to look at her, she ended up actually helping. I was passing the class. My mother was at work so the house was empty. She laid all her books on the counter top and took a seat on a stool. "I hope you've been studying for the test on Monday."

I whipped around. "What test?"

"I really hope you're joking Clarke or you're screwed. Even I'm finding some of it hard." I racked my brain for any recollection of someone mentioning a test, but came up with nothing. Lexa noticed the confused look on my face. "Mr. Kane said it last week, but you obviously weren't paying attention." The truth is, instead of listening to Mr. Kane, I was staring at Lexa. I never listen anymore, I mean who could with her sitting two foot from you?

"Shit, Lexa you have to help. What do i do?"

"Calm down. You just have to study."

I glared at her. "You know it's not that easy for me, I get distracted."

"I know, I know, you're just cute when you're mad now come sit." She gestured to the stool beside her. "I'll help don't worry, I'll stay all weekend if I have to." She slammed open her book. "Okay lets get started."

Hours passed and Lexa had to collect Amaya from Anya in thirty minutes. "Why won't this go into my brain?" I say frustrated. "Looks like you'll be staying for the weekend."

"That's fine by me, but I've got to get Anya to mind Amaya."

"Why? She can just stay in one of the spare rooms here. I actually have some toys in the attic for her that I was meaning to give you."

"I wouldn't want to intrude." Even after weeks she was still weary of letting people do things for her.

"You're teaching me maths and actually somewhat succeeding, the least I could do is offer you and your sister a bed while you do it." She looked down as if she was fighting a voice in her head saying to just leave.

"Okay, I'll go pick her up, but keep studying."

Amaya was amazed by my house. She looked at the chandeliers hanging from the roof and the marble staircase. "Why doesn't our house look like this Lexa?" Lexa looked down ashamed. She knew that Amaya deserved more than a mattress on the floor and one doll, but she couldn't do anything. If it wasn't for Anya, she would've already been on the streets.

I knelt down on the floor to meet Amaya's eyes."Do you see that stairs right there." She nodded. "Well if you go up there and into the room at the top it's filled with toys. Take whatever you want." She looked to Lexa for permission and once she nodded she ran as fast as she could up the stairs.

The next few hours were filled with maths. We did equations until I thought my brain would explode. I was thankful for the short break I got when I put Amaya to bed, but hours had passed even since then. "You're going to have to clean my brain off the wall if you don't stop, please can we just go to bed, I'll get up early." A smile spread across her lips and she closed the book.

"I thought you'd never ask."

"Do you want to sleep in a guest room or with me?"

She played with her fingers and blushed slightly before sheepishly answering, "With you."


	12. Chapter 12

"Clarke, I forgot to drop by my house before I came here so I don't have anything to sleep in, I'm going to go back to my house to get some clothes." I heard the latch on the door click so I ran and caught her arm.

"You don't have to go back to your house just to get clothes, take some of mine." She smiled at me gratefully. It was raining heavily and even though her house was only a few feet from mine, she probably would've gotten soaked. She was getting more comfortable around me. Instead of insisting to not take anything from me she does. Before, even if I offered she would have declined but now she took everything I offered. I led her to my room and handed her shorts and a top that were too small for me. She quietly thanked me and went into the bathroom to change. Just as the door closed I heard Amaya's tiny whimpers. I snook into her room and saw her tossing and turning while letting out tiny shrieks.

I approached her bed and knelt down. I whispered her name and woke her. She looked around panting, terrified. I sat onto her bad and pulled her close. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"My dad is in my dreams. He scares me."

"Well, when I had nightmares when I was your age, do you know what my dad told me?" She sniffles and shook her head. "He told me that if I ever dream of someone that scares me to imagine them with a red clown nose and make them dance in my head." She giggled. "Can you see him dancing?" She laughed louder and nodded. I kissed her on her forehead. "I have to go see does your sister need anything. Goodnight." I turned and walked out the door, but as I turned the corner I ran into Lexa. "Did you hear all of that?"

"Yeah, you're good with her you know. She doesn't like many people but she took to you instantly. The only person she ever talks about our father to is me. I've never seen her open up to people. I feared she never would, that she'd close off her emotions for her life." She looked down and added, "Just like me."

"Lexa, you're not emotionless. Sure sometimes you're hard to get through to, stubborn even, but you're far from emotionless. You're the most caring, generous and loving person I've met. You may not show it, but it's there. Now come to bed."

We climbed into bed and and Lexa turned to me. "You know I like you right. I mean I don't make it very known but I wanted to tell you."

"I know, but you can be yourself with me, you won't scare me away."

"Okay." She took a deep breath then rolled over and laid her head on my chest and tangled our legs together. My hands automatically tangled into her hair and started playing with the soft curls. I felt content. As if we had done this a thousand times before. "Goodnight Clarke." I was too stunned to speak.


	13. Chapter 13

I went to school early on Monday before the test. Lexa and I had studied until we fell asleep at the kitchen table last night. I felt prepared going into the exam, a feeling I've never felt before. Throughout school I had passed everything without picking up a book. Everyone had said to me if I worked harder I could accomplish great things, but after my dad I had no motivation. I didn't even want to spend time with friends. When I met Lexa something clicked in my brain. I wanted to improve, I wanted to become something, I had my motivation back and I was excelling at everything. Turns out all the teachers, relatives and therapists that told me I was capable of better were right, but no one told me all it took was Lexa. All it took for me to change my life for the better was Lexa and I'll be forever grateful to her for that.

The anxiety in my chest was building and it felt like I was going to explode until someone came up behind me and poked my sides. I squealed and spun around. "Don't do that Lexa, you scared me."

"Sorry, but I don't think I could've scared you more than this maths test. I can see how nervous you are."

"I just don't want all the hard work to go to waste."

"It won't, I know you'll do great. I've seen what you can do. Now go in there and make me proud I'll be right behind you." That was all I needed. My confidence had shot back up and I was ready. They handed out the papers and I got to work immediately. I worked my way through them slowly making sure to remember the tiny things Lexa said. I finished a half hour early and read over and over it again until the bell rang signalling the end. Lexa was done an hour early so she was already at home. I did it. I knew I passed. I knew the answers to every question, I knew what formulas to use and how to use them and it was all thanks to Lexa.

She was sitting outside my door waiting for me when I got back. She noticed me and stood up. I quickened my pace and threw myself into her arms. I buried my head in her neck and she lifted my off my feet and spun me around. "I did it. I did it and it's all thanks to you."

"You could've done it without me."

"No I couldn't have. You're the reason I passed." I had a smile plastered to my face. "I'm so happy I could kiss you!" The smile fell from my face and I turned a deep red. "I- well-..."

"Do it then." I eyed her, she wasn't joking. I looked at her questioningly and she sucked in a shaky breath and nodded. I placed my hand gently on her jaw and pressed my lips to hers.


End file.
